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Want to transform your marriage? Transforming your marriage is do-able and it can be better than ever before if you recognize and know the most important three keys for the transformation.
From the moment we say “I do”, we are in a trial and error mode, flying by the seat of our pants. Our schooling education has taught us reading, writing and arithmetic as well as science and other subjects, but nothing about the greatest social experiment of all — that is how to keep the love alive in our marriage?
We don’t get a manual or a textbook telling us how to get it right, so our marriage becomes an evolving set of experiments, learning and discovering more and more about ourselves and each other, and figuring out what works and what doesn’t.
The mistakes that are made in marriage can come with an enormous emotional and financial cost that is often too much to be endured.
For many couples, acknowledging there is a problem shatters the marriage myth.
Who hasn’t heard in all the love stories, movies, and fairytales that we are supposed to live “happily ever after”, and how many people have taken the happy ending to these stories to heart?
But, what happens when Snow White develops a drinking problem? What happens when Robin Hood’s long working hours start affecting his marriage to Maid Marian? What happens when Cinderella says she has “fallen out of love”?
Recognizing you have a problem is the first step along the road to transformation and repair of the marriage relationship.
There are 3 ways to instantly transform your marriage.
These are 3 things that you know will work and will help you get your marriage back on track. Let’s call this your error-free way to redeem yourself and your marriage in the eyes of your partner and show them that you are committed to making positive changes in your marriage.
The FIRST KEY is to stop looking at your issues on a case-by-case basis.
Couples that try to solve arguments by going into the small details of every argument are never really going to deal with the big stuff. We’re talking about the issues that REALLY matter in your marriage, and the issues that keep coming up in every disagreement.
• Are you or your other half spending too much time at work?
• Are you or your partner feeling unappreciated?
• Are you as a couple not making love as much as you used to?
• Is either of you feeling unfulfilled by your lifestyle or the relationship?
• Is the communication poor in your relationship?
• Does your need to always be right override the feelings of your partner?
Spend less time worrying about the details and more time examining the issues and themes behind your arguments.
• The issue is your job. The theme behind this may be balance between work and home life.
• The issue is your not doing enough chores. The theme behind this may be that you need to contribute more to your efforts as a couple.
• The issue is your partner being grumpy with you all the time. The theme is your partner needs to feel validated in the relationship.
If you have a greater understanding of what the key themes are behind your marriage issues, you are better able to develop effective solutions that will really make a difference.
The SECOND KEY to transforming your relationship.
It is helpful to examine your beliefs about marriage. It’s okay to not have the fairytale marriage. Even the best couples don’t always get it right. But what makes the imperfections good or bad is how you choose as a couple to deal with them. When you disagree about something, do you sit down and talk about it, or is your first instinct to deny that there is a problem and hope it will go away?
Nobody is perfect.
You need to understand that it is okay to be imperfect. In fact, admitting this to yourself and your partner can be one of the most liberating actions you take in transforming your marriage. Admitting your imperfections exposes a vulnerability that can bring you closer together as you find ways to get some meaning out of your issues.
Acknowledging that you do make mistakes can open the door to acknowledging that there is a better way to do things, and one of the lessons we need to learn as a couple is finding that solution together.
Making a list of lessons learned.
Make a list of things that you have learned since you got married, and a list of areas that you as a couple can both improve on. Then try sharing that list with your partner and ask them to contribute their thoughts.
The THIRD KEY to transforming your relationship.
We all know that there are differences between the sexes, but we often don’t recognize as we should those differences, and acknowledging the importance of both roles in the relationship.
Just because your partner views something differently than you doesn’t make them wrong, and the opposite is true as well. There are often several interpretations of the truth, and the key to marriage success is in recognizing that women and men have key fundamental differences in the way they view things.
The “He Versus She” Approach.
For men, their view may be a much more task-oriented approach to fixing an issue, whereas a woman may focus more on the emotional process, as you both navigate your way through marriage issues. While both approaches are different, with compromise they can both achieve the same result.
Write down 5 themes or issues. Then, write down 5 task-oriented ways of trying to solve the situation. Then list 5 thoughts-based ways of communicating your way to a solution.
You, too, can have a fairytale marriage!
The first step to transforming your marriage is in transforming YOU. Being married can be scary enough, but having marriage problems and not knowing how to fix them can be paralyzing! All it takes is the ability to step outside your day-to-day issues and look at different ways of viewing your marriage. Every marriage problem is an opportunity for personal growth and learning.
Now it’s up to you to take what you’ve learned and apply it to YOUR marriage.
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